OxfordDon

That's the wheels off their new cycle already

Excellent, we haven't kicked a ball yet and we've still managed something they never have - the 2nd round.

Can i gloat now?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA girfy.

I just had a massive flashback to 2002.

I wouldnae worry, apparently we're just doing him a favour http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/40466987 (at the end)

FT 1-0. Worldbeaters.

Only saw the last 20 minutes, but it was like watching 22 Ash Taylors.

Which is which? The ones in blue look gash, the ones in white fractionally less gash.

Maloney story on BBC site now http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/40450094 I'll admit it, i'm impressed. Two weeks ago we looked fecked.

McInnes tells Sevco to feck off. Nice to have him back. http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/40423528

Nope, it's definitely Miller having a senior moment. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/joe-miller-apologises-linfield-over-10698496 Oddly enough i mind Whyte's sister moved to my class in the NE while he was playing for Celtic (and there was a sudden dramatic increase in lifelong Tic supporters in the yeargroup), so his family must have been up here long before he played for Aberdeen.

Is that the sound of your resolve wavering i hear min?

Simmie filed.

If he goes there, I await the North Koreans circulating a badly photoshopped image of McGinn smiling.

If i age any higher i'll be deid. No to Halliday and probably no to O'Halloran. Maybe if he was cheap and as a squad player.

Thanks a fecking lot, i was in the middle of eating my lunch.

*Somewhere in Johannesburg, a phone rings* ASHLEY: Hello? Is that King? Where is that dour-faced bastard? King? Aha! Right, Davey boy, this your lucky day. KING: Mr Chunky! I thought you didn't like me. Oh it's so good to hear your voice instead of your lawyer's. ASHLEY: Shut the fuck up Davey. Listen. I've decided to get shot of you miserable lot. You're dumped. KING: Oh no! Why? Was it something i said? Or a court case i started? I was just... ASHLEY: SHUT THE FUCK UP DAVEY. Here's the deal. In case you've been too busy "Living the Vida Aparthied" to notice my proper team are back in the real money league, and now your motley dregs have somehow limped their way into Europe that poses me something of a problem. How the fuck you managed to swing that is beyond me btw, i guess UEFA don't really give a shit about Financial Fair Play after all eh? KING: the vida whit? ASHLEY: Davey, shut the fuck up. Anyway, turns out i can't have two teams in the same competition, and if you lot miraculously squeak into 4th again this year then that puts Newcastle's Euro chances in jeopardy, and that, my friend, knocks a big chunk off the £400m i'm currently trying to fleece out of some poor bugger for the club. And I'm not having that. KING: Oh wait, like as in darth? ASHLEY: Shut the f...what? KING: You know, that film. DUM DUM DUM DUMDEE DUM DUMDEE... ASHLEY: What the fuck are you talking about? KING: The funny man wi' the big black helmet, who was always choking people he didn't like. He was my childhood idol! I liked him. Is that whit you meant? ASHLEY: Meant by what? What in the name of christ are you gibbering about, you dribbling enema of a little man? KING: Vida! As in Darth. Is that right? Do i win a prize? Maybe the stadium naming rights? Or a logo? ASHLEY: FFS. SHUT THE...*sigh* it's Spanish for "life", it was a fucking joke right? Like in ? And i've already given you the naming rights back, not my problem no fucker wants to put their name next to yours. Just fucking drop it and pay fucking attention. I'm going to have to dump my shares to avoid any appearance of conflict, but there's no fucking way i'm waiting until you lose your court case with the Takeover Panel and i have to sell them to you for 20p each, that's the price i fucking bought them for in the first place. KING: Well, you mentioned it first, no need to shout... ASHLEY: So i want you to find some gullible idiot to buy them off me now, it can't be your three stooges that you "bought" the club with, as the takeover regulators have judged you worked illegally in concert to acquire the club and we're back to the 20p thing again. KING: ...how was i supposed to know it was a joke, the only jokes i know start with "a Protestant and a Catholic walk into a bar"... ASHLEY: What about those HongKong asset management types that are quietly buying up the club? They're only after the properties so they'll pay a bit above the odds and wait for things to go bust. That's one. Who else? KING: ...and i don't understand them anyway, how could they walk into the same bar? Doesn't make sense... Oh wait! I know! I know! I know! Ask me! Ask me!!! ASHLEY: This better not be about the fucking joke. Well, what is it? KING: Oh, thankyou Mr Chunky! What about that supporters club that keep bugging us about buying the club for "the fans"? They're always offering us other peoples' money, a bit like that nasty Mr Whyte except that it's from lots of little fans instead of one big company. They have lots of other peoples' money, so they say. ASHLEY: Fuck me, that's actually the first useful thing you've said, Davey. Yeah, they might just be deluded enough to pay above the odds on shares to replace the ones you're going to have to buy back from them at a lower price when you lose your court case...well done. Have a biscuit. KING: I never liked him anyway, i said so, i said he's a Bad Man, you can't trust anyone that was in that film about dogs, they just shoot each other or cut their ears off. At least he will spend lots of years in prison with other Bad Men now. ASHLEY: What? Oh, i see. Whyte got acquitted, do you never pay attention with what happens with your club? Anyway, get on to that asset lot and the supporters mob, i want a mill from each, that'll at least make me enough to keep me in chips until the weekend. KING: OK Mr Chunky. But... ASHLEY: But what? KING: ...erm... ASHLEY: Spit it out you fucking weevil! KING: ...the merchandise deal... they might ask me about it again... ASHLEY: I couldn't give a flying fuck about your precious merch deal, you signed it, fucking live with it. KING: ...but.... ASHLEY: WHAT? KING: ...what if UEFA view that as proof of your involvement in the club? They might not like it... ASHLEY: Fuck, you might actually be right again. Don't make a fucking habit of it. Hmmm. I suppose i'd better shift control of the retail stores back to you lot, but there's no fucking way i'm handing you a cash cow once the fans lift their boycott. Tell you what, make me the exclusive supplier, i'll charge you well above the odds for each strip, you can keep the "profit" that's left over, like there'll fucking be any! And i'll clean up when the fans hoover them up. KING: won't the fans see right through that? ASHLEY: wwwWHEEEE.... *long period of sustained laughter from both* ASHLEY: AAhhhhahhaha, that's a good one shitface. Just tell them the deal is only for a year, say you're "now in control", and chuck out some ridiculous made up figure like, say, £5million, that you claim you could make if only everyone went out and bought as many as they could carry. You know, like you do with players when you need them to turn up to games and buy season tickets. Give it to Traynor, he knows how to do all that. The fans will lap it up with a absolute air of victorious idiocy, just chuck in a few "biggest club in the world" and "back to our rightful place" and such shit. KING: Will do. Can we have our logos back? ASHLEY: Of course fucking not - how do you think i'm going to ensure i'm your exclusive supplier for years to come if i just give you them back? Don't be stupid. Now, be a good little boy and fuck off. KING: Thankyou Mr Chunky, I love you...Mr Chunky? *phone goes dead*

Who do you suggest? My knowledge of Norwegian football is pretty limited.

True, our impression of you is entirely formed from how you behave on here, you might be quite bright in the real world. Back on topic - dividing £42k (or 48) by the size of the squad doesn't tell you anything about the maximum wage available.

Too old, next question.

Doesn't take you long to change your mind

Hayes signed a new contract with us in January to ensure we got suitable compensation in the summer. Jack let his contract expire after being brought through the youth ranks, then left for nothing. Hayes clearly and quietly reached an agreement over his future intentions with the manager in January. Jack publicly gave the manager assurances he would never join Sevco, then did the exact opposite. Hayes earned his place in the team and the respect of the fans through his performances and professionalism. Jack demanded to be made captain just as reward for staying. Hayes made Aberdeen a better team than we would have been without him. Aberdeen made Jack a better player than he would have been without us.

What if Celtic had bought Hayes off us for 1.3mil then loaned him back to us for the season?