Little off topic, but worth sharing nonetheless.
A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger female wearing a Celtic top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's east side) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck naw, they're nae twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 5.
Why the f*ck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'
'I'm neither blind, thick nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.
Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'