rocket_scientist

I gave reasons why Miller has much to prove. The reasons for his appointment, his past track record, and his personality were all commented on. As regards the latter, my exact words were "I bet that the majority...", and then gave reasons to support, reasons that may have been enlightening for you people that don't live in Aberdeen, or who may never have. It's pretty obvious a couple of you don't have a fucking clue about Miller, but you will argue for him anyway, digging deeper and deeper, despite stating you don't understand. Show me the evidence that Miller is good for the club. All I said originally is that "it will end in tears in my opinion". We not allowed an opinion? Or should we fucking kowtow to what one or two up themselves pricks tell us, people that know fuck all about AFC. If they did, they would offer evidence, or even points of debate even, rather than protecting their own sense of internet selfs. Fake people.

No, it is clearly and most definitely my opinion, and it is also supported by others. Unlike you, I have had the opportunity, on a number of occasions, to form an opinion. But rewind here. I said something, and despite the provocative reply, let it go. Then those two launched in with support of the man without offering any reasons why he should be immune from criticism, as if the results were acceptable and Miller had somehow shed his spots and become competent in business. I suspect that ST hasn't got a fucking clue about Willie Miller the man. I suspect his own self obsession has been pricked, thus the insult. I think he's also pissed off because how dare anybody suggest his view was out of touch with Aberdeen fans - the people of the NE, the views expressed in the paper by both readers and editorial. I suspect he doesn't even read the P & J. I think he fucking hates it when he is not allowed to get away with talking shite. Fucking prick.

The DoF has the responsibility of negotiating contractual issues. He is the representative and decision-maker of AFC in player and management negotiations. Whatever constraints he has from the board, budgetary or otherwise, is no different from every other business organisation.

As regards a leap of faith, I don't know anyone who actually likes him, as a person. Everyone I know that knows him or has come across him has a remarkably consistent and negative view of the man, as I do. He owned a pub in the Brig OD for years, and often drank in there, leaving his then wife to serve him and his big ego. He was reviled by the locals. This is not opinion, surely? This is well known. I agree that his track record, and current performance, is all that matters, not his personality. I don't see anything, on or off the pitch, to suggest that this is anywhere near good. Given his track record since he quit playing almost 20 years ago, and the reasons for his appointment, I think he has much to prove and given the results, has still failed to demonstrate his value, or justify his salary. There have been many contractual issues wiith players and management team, issues over which he has direct authority, which suggest that he is still failing. It was always a risky appointment given his track record and his personality. I just don't understand how people can be fully supportive of him and his role without knowing or considering anything of his personal history, and particularly in the face of these results year in, year out. His appointment was for one reason and one reason only.

So you're not sure what he does yet you reckon the playing side has been in far better shape? Could it have been any worse for a club of our size, under Pele and Ebbe and Alec Miller, all managers appointed by the current chairman? What makes you think Miller has deserved any credit? And credit for what? For rising from jokedom to indisputably no better than mediocre? And you reckon JC is going to prove to be good for AFC? Thats been FOUR years now. Have you not been watching? These results satisfy you? I'm sorry, but I simply don't believe that many Aberdeen fans, particularly in the real not virtual world, share your view. 1) If you don't get it, try and understand first. JC our most successful manager in a decade? What success is this then? I must have missed it. And even if your trying to say that despite him having zero success, he's better than the previous three nuggets, is that a reasonable benchmark? Is this the limit of your outlook? 2) Comparing Miller to Charlton is quite frankly bizarre. One is a genuinely respected man, the other is a genuinely proven failure, as a football manager, and as a business manager. Anyone who lives, or have lived, in Aberdeen, who has drank in the Parkway, who has come across him socially or in business, who has worked for him or who has had relatives or friends who have worked for him, who have heard him speak/sneer at the AGM's, who have heard him speak at dinners, will have a view of the man. I can bet that the majority of these views are not favourable. 3) More going on in the central belt? Are you forgetting the foundations on which the former success of this club was built? Where is the evidence of improvement? 4) Again, name one player, in the whole time he's been Director of Football, that he has attracted to the club? Include his failed managerial time if you like. 5) Personal opinions about the man are irrelevant. Obviously. Only the results count in this game. You must think the results are acceptable. The Aberdeen fans I know don't share your view. He may well have the best interests of AFC plc to heart, rather than his own interests primarily. You seek to give him credit for AFC not being a "joke club" any more. What has Miller done, specifically, to merit credit? You say it's time I got rid of a "chip on my shoulder" yet you don't understand what objection some of us Aberdeen fans have with Miller? How can you give me, or anyone, direction without understanding the issue? Do you know why he was appointed? Have you been in the company of the man? Have you heard him speak at AGM's? Are you aware of his track record post playing? Do you know anyone who has worked with, or for, him? What has he done to improve the club, ever? To take a view without understanding the point, without having any knowledge on a subject, without having the inquiring mind to find out, without having the humility and decency to even try and establish the debate, is feeble-mindedness in the most extreme. You three are not representative of the Dons fans I meet in the BAGC or Pittodrie bar or at my local or in the stands or indeed anyone I come across here in the NE, nor are your views ever expressed in the reader's letters or editorials in the P & J, the local paper of the NE in case you didn't know. You three exist only on the internet. You are figments of your own imaginations.

I, for one, would be surprised if we wanted him to stay. Who the fuck does he think he is? Fuck off, mink.

50 ways to leave your lover - Paul Simon. Mojo.

Yep. The GUASC, whoever the fuck they are, are unlucky.

Whatever you are alluding to, it was a moment in time that will most likely never be repeated. This is why it was a "freak" moment. As in time demarcation. In terms of merit, we thoroughly deserved it, and indeed did come close - semi's - of the European Cup. Nearly, coulda, shoulda, woulda. That time is gone.

What do you mean? If you fail to understand what I meant, then can I refer you to the comments from our Director of Football and our Manager. In the last 4 years, fairly regularly, and up until very recently, these two people hailed our success 25 years ago as the reasons why Aberdeen fans have unrealistic expectations in the present era. Some of us think WM and JC are talking shite, and some of us found these lines highly insulting. As I said before, if negativity is the only currency you have to offer, on your infrequent visits to DT, take it back to where you do most of your posting. You obviously have zero to offer in terms of this debate, or any other as far as I can see. You may even enjoy getting off on delivering snidey and insulting comments on the internet, fully aware how the anonymity of the internet "protects" you. Makes you look like a feeble-minded dick imo. The hat awaits you.

My first line was asking you what your point was? I thanked you for your efforts, but as there was absolutely no reason given for looking at recent years history, or no opinion provided, I offered an alternative way of looking at it, by comparing the period in two segments, back to Ally McLeod's cup win. I thought it might of been an interesting way of looking at it, for Aberdeen fans. It may even have provided some understanding why many Aberdeen fans are frustrated, and others have been getting progressively so. Until 2008, I was completely unaware of such polarised divisions of opinion amongst our ranks. The pubs I drink in, the people I drink with and talk to, my friends and family, other shareholders I meet at the AGM's (that I bothered to attend) - we have varying opinions about certain players and the abilities or otherwise of the manager, but we all appear to have one common goal. Most of us believe the big picture points to a clear pattern. Then I discovered these AFC websites. Either I was completely unaware of how good Milne has been for AFC plc, or I was mistaken as regards the value of the contribution of our Director of Football. These are in the people who need to be judged before comment on the manager becomes relevant. Then I find, on tinternet, that some fans don't even consider that there is a problem at all. I have never heard these people voicing their opinion in the pubs, that everything is going progressively well under the current management. Worst of all, some people on tinternet take offence to passionate views, without offering a structured, reasoned alternative. Actually, thats not as sad as people expending energy in one-upmanship rather than the debates. To have spent much time trawling posts to find something from over a month ago, take it out of context, in some pathetic failed attempt to discredit an alternative view of our last 30 odd years of AFC history, in a thread that started with the presentation of a graphical view of recent history, without comment or opinion, is breathtaking. The motivation for spending time to do so is surely evidence of an internet mannie more concerened with his internet than with any debate about AFC.

I actually have much, much more to say about the character of the man, and why he is no use for us in his present role, but HIGNFY is coming on. He was our best ever player in my opinion, but in his present role, it will inevitably end in tears IN MY OPINION. Time will tell.

Your point is, caller? Thank you for the effort you put in for creating those graphs. I appreciated it. Here's another way of looking at our history. Imagine the last 15 years and the 15 years before that. In the last 15, we got to 2 finals and won the League Cup in 1995. In the 15 years before that, we won trophies under 4 different managers. The younger fans have been erroneously led to believe that older AFC fans have unrealistic expectations. The business of football has changed beyond recognition from the era that included the previous decade and a half, but despite this, here's some new ones for you younger dandingtons. 1) The most exciting football finals we ever competed in, in purely football drama terms, were a consecutive hat trick of league Cup finals v. the hordes of darkness when we lost the first two (just), before the Mason show. 2) The best, most dominating and entertaining football I ever saw in red, was the run in to the 1990/91 season, fully FIVE years after Ferguson. Jess, Gilhaus, Bett, Robertson were incredibly good additions to the 3 man Rock defence that Fergie relied on. This was an incredibly talented squad. 3) Fergie isn't our only history. In my lifetime, 8 years is the maximum we've ever been without a trophy... until MILNE. We've always had some good players, and some good, ambitious and capable managers... until MILNE. 4) 11.5.1983 was a freak pinnacle. Those of us who were there appreciate this more than anyone. I even acknowledged this at the precise moment. But this freak moment of success shouldn't hang over us like a dinosaur, as an excuse to be fucking mediocre thereafter. It's all gone tits up.

Some people gravitate towards humour. Some are inhabited by it continually. Some are genius creators of humour. Others are the antithesis. Watching Miller laugh is painful. Hearing him deliver a "funny" story e.g. Glory of Gothenburg dinner 5 years ago, more so.

But J, the key point is ambition and winner mentality. We don't show any of that, from the board to the Director of Football to the Manager. Everyone is marking time, and for what? The new stadium HE promised us? It's taking the piss, and has been for many many years.

These bits are the key for me. Winner mentality is free. It is everything. Losers do not have it. There are more losers than winners. For those who come on here, posters who have not contributed hardly ever to the many debates on here over the last few weeks, and complain about relentless negativity and repetitiveness, I'm sorry, but you're confusing DT with others. Maybe the thread title JMG might have been a clue that opinion might be polarised, but rather than moan about it and contribute nothing at all, go back to where you do most of your posting, where your own negativity will make you feel more at home.

I don't recall anyone comapring the realtive merits of Gow and Riordan. Neither of them have played enough for a year to make any comparison. On here before though, the same question came up about the possibility of AFC moving for Riordan. The only comparison being they're both stuck at the OF and we could guarantee them a game.

Minimum ambition i.e. anything less is a failure. Bobbybiscuit wrote a good piece about expectation and winner mentality, which is what I agree with totally. Could you post it up bb? It is relevant to this debate. We've been in one final since 1995 I think, when we got humped 4-0 with Winters in goal. The results have been tragic. I reckon if Milne invested our total profit from this year alone, that would be enough to guarantee competitiveness against fairly average and uninspiring OF teams just now, and with a winner mentality (impossible under JC, he's a born loser), we could split the OF at the very least.

bb, my son is 17 and has never seen Aberdeen be a competitive force in the SPL. He loved this season, but knows the history of the club and believes that we can do much better and still go's week in, week out in that hope. However, even he doesn't think that we have great players, and much as he hopes for a better future, is not unrealistic about how much better we could potentially be. We could do miles better, with the resources we could have, but the club has done a great job of alienating its fans, by shite performances and even worse PR.

There is no solution whilst Aberdeen fans do not see a problem. The club ran some awful spin about our supposed "unrealistic expectations" and the "new generation" of Dons fans, and some have argued that their strategy was aimed to be divisive, but whatever Willie Miller says, and to be fair to him, he ditched that line in recent times, we have not had acceptable results the whole time Milne has had the club by the balls. Even Calderwood was heard trotting out the same lines until a few months ago, and at least he had the intelligence to react by not criticising players all the time, after the P & J launched two separate "attacks" with double pages of letters they had been storing up from readers. The problem is patent to some of us, and not to others. There is no solution, unless our chairman and our board suddenly develop an ambition to compete, to be the best that we can be, and to recruit the right people in the right places, and support those people with a budget that reflects a minimum ambition that the fans have. For the record, I think our ambition should be to be at least 3rd in the SPL, and with a cup final three times a decade minimum. EDIT: that was clever J. How did you wipe your post from the record?

The problem is simple. The results for over a decade is the problem, IN MY OPINION. You don't think there is a problem, perhaps. Others certainly don't see any problem. That piece tried, in a weird kind of way to identify the reasons for the one and only problem. Before discussing the reasons for a problem, you have to agree that there is one. Some Dons fans don't. That is a problem, IN MY OPINION.

Getting a Gow or a Riordan would be a dream. A dream too far for the current AFC plc board, unfortunately.

PULP FITBA PART 2 of 2 SCENE: Back in the Chairman’s office. As the three men enter, SM was tending to one of his four wigs, now unused, but maintained just in case his insecurity returns. Four so he can alternate between them (they all have slightly lengthened fringes) and thereby being able to pretend that he has just had a haircut, like normal people do. His cunning ploy was to switch from the longest to the shortest overnight, adorning the other two hairpieces in the intervening two weeks of his deceptive four week cycle. WW: “Stewart, it’s quite simple. This is not rocket science. Number One, certain players don’t have respect for each other. That’s understandable. I’ve been told that your club doesn’t have the largest resources to add quality players, and in the absence of any passion or ambition from the top to focus primarily on team-building as opposed to stadium-building, you’re bound to be carrying a few underperformers within the ranks. Number Two, Spacehopper here has some credibility issues with the players. That’s understandable too. Look at him. Listen to him, and particularly when he says sloppy. So let me deal with these two issues in seriatim. That’s Latin by the way. We did Latin in Santa Monica High. Well I did. Most of the homies were getting high whilst I was I was getting wise, but that’s not an area in which we need to disgress. As I said, the clocks ticking, right, so let’s get it fixed. By the way…†pointing at Willie Miller “What does he do. Why is he here?†SM: “In the first couple of years after I took control, the fans were blaming me for football matters, and I was way out of my depth. I couldn’t care less about the stupid game but had to find a way to deflect the heat. By appointing their favourite ever player in charge of football affairs, I was left to get on with my real vocation, my proper job. Pretty clever eh?†WW: “Whatever. Let’s get down to brass tacks, gentlemen, which if you do exactly as I say, when I say it, will get us safely out of Dodge. Firstly, your uncle Marcellus and Uncle Sir Alex have the best interests of this club at heart, and the first thing you need is some moneyâ€. Stwearty’s lugs prick up and eyes light up as the Wolf removes a roll of banknotes from his troosers and starts unrolling a wedge. WW: “Are you a Millionaire Mr Chairman?†SM: “No†WW: “Well your Uncle Marcellus is, and in order to get some quality into this team, you need to spend this wiselyâ€. He hands Stewarty the equivalent of £1m in Dollars, enough for the annual salaries of a small number of excellent players at today’s market rates. Stewart Milne, aware of the extreme violence that the Wolf and his associates are capable of, was feeling particularly pleased with himself and had already composed his defence as he takes the wedge in his grasping paw. Should it ever come up that the chairman had lied to the Wolf, and therefore vicariously to Uncle Marcellus - a man of exceptional inventiveness in the methods of his revenge-extraction techniques (apart form the time he simply threw Tony Rocky Horror over the edge) - he could defend himself as Winston Wolf only asked if he was a millionaire, not a multi-millionaire. WW: “And as for the fat man here, he needs to be assessed and managed properly. As you are not capable or interested in doing this yourself, I’m going to recommend you get someone who can. However, in view of the inconsistency of the team, the destructive attitudes in the dressing room, both to each other and to the manager, you may well need to get a better manager if you want the missing thousands to return. And just in case you do, take thisâ€. He hands SM a further wedge of dollar bills, totalling approximately £120,000. WW: “On top of the salary you’re already paying blubberman, plus the salary you’ll save by getting rid of Mr-too-bitter-a-personality-with-a-dreadful-business-and-management-record-and-does-nothing-good-around-here-anyway here, will guarantee you have the most sought after manager’s position in Scottish Soccer. I can’t help observing that by reducing your non-football staff levels to anywhere under 450 might save a shed load of money too, thereby permitting further investment in the priority – the team on the park. You got loads of non-productives round this place!†Willie Miller is seething. He has a pained expression, as if he’s trying to hud in a bad curry fae that place in Brig street that serves them occasionally, but knows there is nothing he can do. To try and defend himself would be to lie, to deny the existence of truth as a concept, and whilst he did not consider that the Wolf was a philosopher per se, he had enough knowledge of what the inevitable outcome would be, of crossing WW, in philosophical matters or otherwise. The Shakespearian irony on Willie’s tongue, was burning like an acrid acidic aftertaste, such as you might expect from an Asda Brig o Dee grapefruit, although there was nothing aftertaste about his present discomfort. It was he who had set this ball rolling by calling in assistance from his former guvner, Sir Alex, and it was looking like he might turn out to be a casualty. He was about to allow his tortured mind to roam into irrelevant perusals such as the consideration of why the English bard should have a monopoly on irony, when he was abruptly taken back to the situation. WW: “Listen Mr Miller. I respect you and all, as a player, but the problem round here is strictly one of management. You saw for yourself the problems in the dressing room, and if you were not aware of this, then you certainly should have been. Your manager is not a superstar, although he’s achieving an excellent level of mediocrity in the performance and consistency of the players. I understand that you get what you pay for et cetera, that’s Latin too by the way, but as far as I can see, you’re contributing very little. Your future is not my concern, but if you do have one here, utilise your efforts wisely and try to ensure that these fans who once adored you don’t come to hate your guts.†He turns to JC, who’s face is now orange, and in a surprisingly gentle tone, offers these words of encouragement: WW: “Listen spacehopper laroo, you got problems. You’ve not been blessed with much, but you’re doing fantastic to be receiving a wage. I wouldn’t personally enter a taxi being driven by you, but its not my call. You have to grow some intelligence between now and the end of the season. Can I suggest you stop sounding your opinions about everything in Tuesday’s P & J for a start. Obviously you are illiterate and have a ghost-writer but it’s obviously your pisch that comes out. Who do you think is interested in what you have to say about tennis, golf or synchronised pygmy-wanking? Concentrate on your job. You have to learn how to inspire the players, so lose some weight. Set an example. Learn what is required. Read your job-description. You will be judged on the size of the crowd, and that will be determined by how well you do your job. As you’ve just seen, I’ve just given the chairman enough cash to replace you in a heartbeat, so let’s start right now. The clock is ticking. Make it work for you. The players need to respect you and each other. I’ve given you the funds so you can improve the squad, so pretty please, with a pie on top, do your f ucking jobâ€. Turning to the chairman, WW looks him straight in the nose. The direction of the reflected sunlight from the chairman’s pate (no, not the goose liver kind) made eye-contact temporarily impossible. WW: “You know what, Chairman? This is all self-funding. If you up the quality of the player and ensure they’re being managed correctly, the average attendances increase, you get more money through the turnstile, more interest in the club, more opportunities to make money. Like I said, its not rocket-science. Today, to help fix your problems, I started at the bottom, with the players. I normally start at the top. I’ll be back for a follow-up visit. If you don’t get your act together, and continue to renege on your responsibilities, not to mention failing to focus on what these fans want, which you yourself spoke about in the Capitol at the first public shareholder meeting when you were a Number Two, then I’ll have to deal with you myself. Gentlemen, lots of luckâ€. Unlike the thanks and general appreciation being felt from the players, on this occasion, as Winston Wolf was exiting the building, there was nothing said. Messrs Milne, Miller and Calderwood simply stood there and silently contemplated their futures. EDITS: No person, animal or film, real or fictitious, has been referred to and any resemblance to persons, animals, films or persons with similar names, living, dead or soon to be dead, are purely coincidental. No goalkeepers were harmed during the making of this piece. Stand Free. Directed by: Quentin Scientologist January 2008

Andrew. Have you read the Pulp Fitba I wrote in January? It will answer your question. If you want, I can PM it to you. EDIT: OK. He hasn't. Here it is for anyone else who hasn't seen it. It's in 2 parts... PULP FITBA - PART 1 OF 2 SCENE: Telephone call from Willie Miller to Sir Alex Ferguson where Willie expresses concern at the declining gates, which he reckons are as a result of woeful inconsistency on the park, players who struggle to complete even 50% of passes, too many sitters missed, ridiculous mistakes and sliced clearances, good players having more awful days than good, and a general lack of entertaining fitba, especially away from home. He also says that in his opinion, the support has ridiculously high expectations and he simply doesn’t know what to do, and asks for any suggestions. Sir Alex clears his throat, says how pwwoud he was of his time with AFC, and reminisces with Willie about the 80’s before concluding: “Don’t worry Willie. I’m on the muthaphucker. Get back in there and chill the Chairman out, and wait for the Wolf who will be coming directlyâ€. WM, thinking that he might have got the benefit the odd word of wisdom, or a day trip from an ex mucker or “fitba consultant†like Archie Knox or someone, says: “You sending the wolf? Sheeit Sir Alex, that’s all you had to say!†SCENE: Todders front entrance. Guy looking like an exact replica of Harvey Keitel rings the bell, Steward comes to the door. WW (in California drawl): “You must be Stewart right, I’m Winston Wolf. I solve problemsâ€. Steward: “Naw, I’m Dod. It’s Stewarty Milne ye’re efter†and leads him inside, up the stairs and to the Chairman’s office, where Stewart Milne, Willie Miller and Jimmy Calderwood are all present. WW: “Stewart, I’m Winston Wolf, I solve problemsâ€. SM: “That’s good. We got some.†WW: “so I heard…which makes you Willie, and you Jimmy, am I right?â€. They both nod in assent, and JC’s wondering how he knew they weren’t the other way around. WW: “From what I know, the clock is ticking. Attendances are down, fans aren’t optimistic of the future or happy with the players, the team is not consistent on the park, and the Chairman, Director of Football and the Manager are getting criticism thrown their way. If I’m right, we’ve only got the next few months to turn it around otherwise the deserting droves may be irrecoverable. JC: “Ermm, yes, but we’re still in 4 competitions this year.†WW: “Listen buster, I wasn’t talking to you. Don’t feed me positive spin on a problem situation. Just shut up and listenâ€, and turns to the chairman to continue… “You said at the AGM at the Capitol over 10 years ago that the product was the priority, and that getting it right on the pitch was the most important part. From what I understand, you’re a builder right, and got control of this club from the Donald family not as a result of the fans support, which you would have certainly got based on that priority and mandate, but by business dealings and general skullduggery. I hear that your real priority is building a new stadium, and that you never attended this stadium to watch soccer until you spotted the opportunity at around the time the RDS was being built. But I digress. The players on the pitch is what I need to fix on right now... your role in this can wait…†and turning to JC and WM, says “Gentleman, we have to talk to the players first and let them know what we’re thinking, and get their buy-in to the solution. You two, we’ll come back to later on, but you’ve got a bunch of players in a cold dressing room, with no toaster and no kettle, waiting for a meeting they know nothing about. Take me to them.†JC whimpers, his cheeks and jowls wobbling gently as if in a gentle breeze, even though there is not a breath of wind in the chairmans office… (obviously) “A please would be niceâ€. WW: “Excuse me? I’m not hear to say please, fatso. If I talk fast it’s because I think fast and I act fast. If my help’s not appreciated, lots of luck gentlemen, but if self-preservation is an instinct you possess, then you’ll do it and do it quick. Now pretty please, with sugar on top, take me to the f ucking playersâ€. SCENE: JC and WM leading WW from the chairman’s office, down numerous corridors and offices housing more staff than the business of running a football club could reasonably require, to a door marked “HOMEâ€. WW stops the two of them before the door and says: “In here gentlemen, I do the talking. You were the best player ever at this club, right, and you, spacehopper laroo, I know you’re their boss, but for the duration, you shut the f uck up. Is that understood?â€. JC looks to protest, shakes his shoulders and arms like a weegie who thinks he’s a hard man, but who quite patently is not, and starts in an aggressive tone: “Here listen, Ah’m…†WW grabs him by the throat and pins him against the wall. WM is shocked but powerless to react. He’s heard of Sir Alex’s secret weapon and the Wolf’s reputation goes before him. It was the Wolf who enabled the drinking culture at Old Trafford to be eliminated, it was said that the Wolf had even nobbled Kevin Keegan’s shrink in the 90’s, resulting in an infamous outburst live on Sky. The Wolf had been behind caging Neale Cooper for a week and using psychological warfare tactics before letting him loose at Todders against Celtic’s pin-up Charlie Nicholas, resulting in the all time quickest ever booking. Willie had heard that the Wolf was most recently involved in sorting out the most recent excesses of the Man Yoo players, making sure (in the press at any rate) that their most valuable asset was not present, and ensuring distance and no long term damage to the first team squad. His growing reputation means the Wolf is now working worldwide on much diverse problem-fixing, including, famously documented in a movie, removing a body from a house outside of which there was indeed no sign saying “dead nigger storageâ€. The Wolf’s other current assignment for Sir Alex is to dispel the “Christiano’s a poof†theory, partly coming from the fall out of his being the only one not being associated with the rape, general women-abuse and debauchery in December, and partly as a result that his mooth looks like it has a preference. You may have seen the Wolf’s work in this regard recently in the tabloids, pretending that Ronaldo uses female hookers. Holding JC against the wall, the hapless manager’s face is turning red, orange, and then orange again. WW: “I’ve already told you twice, you blubbering piece of s hit. I should pump 1903 bullets in to that stomach of yours if you want to know I’m serious, but I don’t want to scare the young boys in there with you dripping the odd bit of blood and all. If I have to tell you again, I’ll cap one in your face.†SCENE: Inside the dressing room. Total silence. The first team squad are sitting on the benches, WW is standing holding centre (sorry, center) court. WM and JC behind him, JC nursing his neck, his face having now reverted to a shade of orange. The players are silent, and they’re all looking at the Wolf. The Wolf raises his hand slowly, finger pointed, and rests the direction of his gaze, and his point, at the Giraffe. WW: “You boy, why is this team not firing on all cylinders?†Zander gulps, shivers slightly, and figures that lying to this character would be an exercise in futility, then stammers out his response: “We don’t like the spacehopper. He speaks a lot of rubbish and disnae have a clue about tactics. He picks on us and bullies us around, and gets Sandy and Jimmy Nick to dae his dirty work. Look at him. He’s won nuthin in his life, and doesnae have the self-discipline to keep aff the pies. He’s an erseâ€. The rest of the players are aghast, and are now looking even more terrified. JC’s face is turning orange. Willie Miller does not know what to do, and wonders if this is anything to do with him, or whether he’ll get out of this OK, with his job and salary intact. WW: “Does that go for the lot of you?†Nobody says a thing. Silence still. Turning to Barry Nicholson, the Wolf says “Do you respect your manager?â€. BN (trembling): “Aye well, the gaffer was awright at Dunfermline cos we weren’t meant to win but here it’s different. The Giraffe supports the Celtic so he wants to win stuff but I’m happy with the gaffer, he never gives me the shite he gives the others but yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no but but but…†before drifting off into an incoherent ramble, paralysed by fear. WW: “And you boy, what do you have to say?â€, pointing at Seve. SS (not trembling, coolest player on the benches): “Aye, the gaffers a bit of an erse, but he’s no the only reason why the team’s not doin it. Look at that muppet…†(pointing to Richie Byrne) “and that one†(pointing at - insert your least favourite Don) “we’re no gonna win nuthin wi them getting a gameâ€. WW gets into Richard Fosters face and says “What do you say?â€. RF: “Sorry, can you repeat the questionâ€. Willie Miller pipes in, as the Wolf’s face was discernibly taking on a crimson hue: “That one’s no the brightest, Mr Wolf, you’ll no get much sense oot o himâ€. WW (addressing them all): “OK, here’s what you’re gonna do. You bastards are going to play week in, week out, as if it’s for your lives. Period. You train hard, you work hard, and you play hard. Now let me get this straight - Play hard means on the pitch. If we find you out boozing more than you should, there’ll be big trouble. And another thing, if I hear of any of you making slander, at any time, against spacehopper laroo here, then I’ll be getting a couple of homeys over to make sure you’ll be living the rest of your short-assed life in agonising pain. We’re gonna get medieval on your ass. Only I get to slag the Tangoman, and only if I decide to, and only if it’s appropriate to do so. You keep your personal feelings to yourselfâ€. The Wolf points at Darren Mackie and says “What did I just sayâ€? DM: “You said work hard, leave the gaffer alone, and…†The wolf turns away from Darren, having been distracted by Jamie Langfield and shouts – “You listenin to me, hillbilly boy?†Clangers forgot to switch off his ipod, and is jerking his head slightly from side to side, listening to Jocko Homo by Devo, going through the back catalogue of Stiff Records. He hasn’t got a clue what’s going on, totally unaware that this particular mistake of his may be a tad more costly than usual (to him, not to anyone else). JL (singing in an Akron, Ohio weirdo accent): “Are we not men…†The Wolf takes out his piece, unloads in Clangers face, and turns to Darren Mackie: “Oh I’m sorry, did I disturb your concentration? You were saying?†DM looks up to the Wolf from Clangers twitching dying body lying prostrate on the deck. Darren’s eyes are wide open, but more in intelligent realisation than fear: “Work hard and don’t have a go at the gaffer, unlessâ€. WW: “Unless whatâ€? DM: “Unless you do it firstâ€. WW: “Spoken like a true professionalâ€. Derek Soutar’s salivating and licking his lips, but the rest of them aren’t showing much emotion about the demise of their first-choice keeper. If anything though, the mood has lifted with the Wolf’s sudden and unexpected execution of the fumbling fool. The Wolf turns to WM and JC: “Gentlemen, our business is finished here. Back to the Chairman’s office. Thank you gentlemenâ€, and starts towards the door. Soutar gets up and approaches the Wolf: “Can I just say, it was a pleasure watching you workâ€. The Giraffe also gets up and shakes his hand and says “Yes, thanks, Mr Wolf. You’ve been very helpfulâ€. WW, turning to JC: “See that, that is Respect. Just because you are a character does not mean you have character. Respect has to be earned.â€

I'm guessing that you do NOT believe that there is a problem?