rocket_scientist

Alan, we want you to sign for us. Here's a contract offer. We really need to plan for next season, and need to know whether you're wanting to stay. Please let us know pretty quickly, and within 24 hours, if you aren't in a position to give us a decision, please indicate when you will tell us. As you can see, the contract offer expires on Friday. Thanks.

You can have my AFC-tattooed body for a year for 1 point. You can even decide what tattoo's you want, as I don't have any yet. And there is no obligation to even engage with my AFC mind. All I ask is that you abuse me regularly.

Only once in Australia did I have the misfortune of watching an Aberdeen game live. Was it the 92 cup final at Darkheid? We got beat anyway and in a culture of zero passion for soccer, felt it was inappropraite to smash up the joint. Plus it was a hoose, and the kids were sleeping. Made up for it at the Grand final (Aussie Rules) a few months later. All day BBQ and sesh. Drank a whole bottle of disgusting Chivas Regal and had a perfectly executed and hugely efficient vomit of approx 2 litres of spew in the street at 6 or 7 p.m. on route to the car, 20 yards from the front door in front of 25+ witnesses. Classy guys those Scots eh? Serious, it was legend. Spew like you're having a gob, then carry on. Fuck, I was wasted but I never showed it to those pussys.

After a night of beer and fitba finished off with half a dozen OVD's and scooshy coke, I haven't tasted rum for about 3 or 4 months. Based on what a cunt with a gas mask on says, I am going to invest money on a rum I've never heard of before, probably tomorrow if I have time. Now that is fucked up. Spending money on what a gas king recommends. My hunch? Gas cunt will be right. Live. Learn.

You were THERE last night, when I was at my most brilliant, and most violent, in helping dispose of the two oirish super rulers. I am so pissed off I never had the opportunity to review it all. Best thread ever. So, as I was driving to and from last night, there is a proven zero correlation between alcohol and passion/violence with the old rocket. Tonight is equally sober. You'll know when I've a drink in. What possibly makes you think I've said something drunk tonight?

But they never existed before the internet. Is there any relationship? Woohooboodoowhoohooboodooowoohooboodoowhoohooboodoo - y'know, X files type weirdo coincidences background music. Nah. Spikkin shite as usual.

I like seeing that Darren has a couple of votes. I do not agree that he was MOTM but when he got subbed v. Murrawell, I was horrified at the RDS Upper. We know that the AFC pc army is an infinitessimally small number compared to real fans, aye, TNT PSV, like me, or maybe not. There is an approximate 5% strike rate between posts and views. So, if there's 50 of us posting, there's 950 viewing. One could conjecture that the lurkers, people without the confidence to neither express an opinion nor reveal their true ignorance, or perhaps interested non-engaging observers - pornographic history teaches us that these types exist (sninge, snuffle, hrmphyll, snarssimmm, awwwrmmmmmm, ahhhhhhhhh) - they may be easily influenced folk, but who the fuck has the balls to boo an Aberdeen player like Mackie getting subbed? Not real mannies. Must be this new breed of internet know all cunts. Mad cunts wi hats on. I wiz shocked. Dazza worked hard as fuck last night. Respect for the shirt. Kwolity.

Nothing made me cringe last night. Twas all good. I did LOL a couple of times, like major LOL. Eberdeen. Fars like us?

Barnstaple United & Runcorn?

2 folk voted for Bazza, the Nickmachine, the superbarry, the Dunfermline hun-reject. OK, thats unfair. He has been our best midfielder for at least two seasons, probably three. But last night? WTF. See ya, Barry Nick. You added a lot. You are better than AFC though, eh, byraway. Who the fuck do you think you are? Don't believe the hype. Your manager may have an effective oriface, but he is not an effective oracle. After a few months playing in England for the club that hasn't come in for you yet, you'll prove your international class.

Satiated with attitude, coffee and biscuits are things you really could do without. They offer nothing in terms of value addition. Final point. Freshly cut chips, I think you said. We do not own a deep FAT fryer, so I am not familar with the alternatives. Non freshly cut chips? What, like you cut them in December and eat them now? And in FAT, would it honestly taste any different?

I could google him and revert with an appropriate response, thereby impressing you further by the comprehensive omniscient nature of my intelligence, but this would be an exercise in futility, I fear. You already know that I am a higher power. Fathefuckstheboylike?

Gasmask man, otherwise known as spolier with attitude, you soiled my meal tonight. The sauce that you spoke of, one I was not familiar with, and one that I took that you were recommending, tastes shite with spag bol. Not only that, but the humiliation I suffered as a result of your post, was excrutiating. I went to the store, asked for tartan sauce, and the teenager led me down two aisles in vain. He engaged his supervisor, who I could tell wasn't kosher with my request, and within two minutes, I heard sniggering and chortling at my expense. I even heard a guffaw, a real belly depth, guffaw. Hope you had better success with your catholic friday fare. Now, experiment.... Gasmask man, otherwise known as spolier with attitude, you soiled my meal tonight. The sauce that you spoke of, one I was not familiar with, and one that I took that you were recommending, tastes shite with spag bol. Not only that, but the humiliation I suffered as a result of your post, was excrutiating. I went to the store, asked for tartan sauce, and the teenager led me down two aisles in vain. He engaged his supervisor, who I could tell wasn't kosher with my request, and within two minutes, I heard sniggering and chortling at my expense. I even heard a guffaw, a real belly depth, guffaw. I have learned that you, king of the gas generation, prefer posts in the former style, despite the precise equality of the words. Good, huh?

But be warned, if you do PM him, and spoil our fun, the rocket will be annoyed. Not only will your death come on the Idiot Stick TM in front of at least 50 of us, laughing at your demise, but the torture you will suffer for the days beforehand, will be far more imaginative than imagination itself.

Mate, think about it. We normally only get this level of "intimacy" with what's going on in a fitba game by being close enough to the action to see it. Your filming however, worked for two reasons. 1) I never see fuck all when we score against the OF. I contort into both glee and rage and expend enough energy bouncing and gesturing in the minute after the goal to keep an Austrian cellar going for the duration of the captor's Thai sex holiday. 2) Your "portrait" of Zander was much more revealing than the naked eye could have ever been. As I said, cheers min.

... Nice one son, Nice one Simmy, lets have another forty two thousand, seven hundred and ninety one... ...over the course of the next many years. That Zander film was the best and most enjoyable filming I have ever seen. Luvved it. Thanks.

I think not, as you were at the UEFA Cup Final too, as I recall? if you were the guy that filmed Zenit fans pre KO, frustratingly not panning right, for the whole duration. Without wishing to breach the anonymity of the internet, nor cross the lines of privacy, I am intrigued as regards your target market. Your video is too shit for television purposes, so perhaps freelance, hoping to catch a rare fish? I, for one, have big respect for you and your business. Just don't know what it is you do and have no right to ask you. If you are comfortable enlightening us, cool, but fully appreciate if you don't expand. Your original, unique visual contributions are more than enough for me to be thankful to you for.

Speaking of chants, you younger ones won't necessarily be aware of a couple of little ditty's that the Beach End used to let rip. One song included "we're up to our knees in fenian blood, surrender or you'll die". Another included "The cry was no surrender, surrender or you'll die (die, die)". This was in the 1970's, and sang by a significant enough proportion of dandies that you could recognise the specific tunes even if you were golfing at Hazlehead. EDIT: The last bit - Hazlehead - was a wind up. Not in the mood tonight.

I certainly don't give a fuck about Bobby Sands death, or any of that shit, and good point about the over-estimation by the scum. Reading the post, I thought he was coming across as anti-IRA i.e. having taken one side over the other. I wouldn't want to start that debate. That is all.

About what?

You liked that one? Twas good. Who said it? Just kidding. Loved his reaction, too - "Kids. Poor patter". As if a suggestion of morality existed within it. FAF. Bring it back, mods. It was by far the most enjoyable thread ever. Well, for my twisted humour anyway...

Politics? Nah. Michael Collins. IRA. Great Britain. Land reclamation. Tattie famines. Highland clearances. The internationally recognised human right of self determination in private and public international law. The sectarian arguments, as ill informed as the arguers are, are not AFC arguments.

You call them scum bags and proof that they are scumbags was the fact that a considerable number of them refused to applaud Tommy Burns. I saw dozens in the first couple of lines nearest the pitch deliberately not, which suggests there were probably hundreds not clapping. Some of them purposely put their hands in their pockets, and others put their hands behind their backs. I even saw a couple put their hands on their heads, presumably as a statement of how Rangers they are, or perhaps as some kind of sick stunt to encourage others not to. Cunts.

Favourite "chant" was the one I heard which was delivered firstly in a pretend west coast accent... "Hey wee man, wee man, nacho, hey wee man, nacho, wee man" to attract his attention as he's getting sent off and coming to the tunnel area, followed by 3 of us using a combination of insults at maximum volume punctuated by the word "fucking" every second word. Best bit was the copper's face in front of us. He had "appeared" for the second half, obviously as the spies had identified our vigorous and demonstrable enthusiasm during the first. We were having a laugh with him, conning him that we were regular guys, with no sociopathic exuberances, thereby providing freedom to rant and swear at appropriate moments. It was the last game of the season, and we were beating the huns so this in itself would grant a bit of extra freedom, but the way this copper shook his head and smiled at me was priceless, as I was wiping the froth away. I'm old enough to have fathered the cunt. Probably did. Magic moment.

Hey terrapin, take a hike. Sorry. Couldn't help repeating myself. If I told you absolutely fuck all, you probably wouldn't believe me. I knew they were ignoring key questions and were starting to slow down their post rate, so after the Good Night, and then the edit "are you still here? fuck off thicko's", I had to call their bluff. I had a couple of options which route to go down if they had the balls to carry on, but as expected, they didn't. When one bailed out I goaded the other with something like "your mate has fucked off and left you on your own. No surprise there then. No balls yous cunts. Did you like my use of your vernacular?" and then he scarpered within 2 minutes. They were a pair of fucking beauts. I picked up on Bobbybiscuit's point and drove it into them. Best fun I've had on fitba forums since the old official AFC.