Superstar Tradesman

We're 5 places off of being a 'reasonable side' and even more away from being a good side. Who the fuck wants to support a 'reasonable side'? Although I'd take that given the shite we've had to endure for far too long.

Having lived in Scandinavia for a spell I can quite honestly say that it will not make an ounce of difference. Bar prices in the UK are already sky-high compared to a few years ago. People are still falling over themselves and each other to get a pint in.

You lot think you've got it bad? Spare a thought for our 'keepers. They never had a save to make the whole season.

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Nevermind, the Olympics start soon enough. You'll be able to see where all your tax pennies have been spent in various other parts of the country.

Oh the irony.

Aberdeen. The End.

Grouting's easy. Bothering your arse to actually cook something in your swanky new kitchen is another thing. Preventative maintainance on parafin budgies however, well that's the stuff of legends it would seem.

I heard the mechanics spend far too much time on DT.

I was only joking btw way.

Craig Brown on Saturday when he starts with a 4-5-1.

A big improvement on some of the muck that has had the gall to pull the armband over their sleeve over the last decade or so. In fact I've shuddered at the thought of three of them straight off. Don't think I'll bother going any further back.

He'd certainly help to improve them.

To be honest Tyrant, if there's something that was 'irritating as fuck' with a property then I'd probably walk away. There's plenty on the market due to the number of lazy young folk struggling to get mortgages. But if it's ticked all other boxes and you're willing to put in the graft then it's an easy enough fix. Just try not to hit any cables or pipes whilst you're at it.

Ahhhhh......... good.............. some Chris Clark bashing. That'll give me a chance to post Chris Clark's 'Step-by-Step Footballers Guide' that I knocked up caught him reading one lunchtime:

That may well be the case. But, they'll then drop into the Europa League and be one tie away from the group stages. The money they could see from those two 'pumpings' could be huge and could easily help them remain in the European places for the next 3 years whilst the Huns flounder. Wish we were in the position to be pumped by European teams.

Depends. Are they uneven to walk on or are they just creaking a little? If its just a few squeaks then I'd not worry myself as underlay and a thick carpet will soon mask that. Old places have these bits of 'character' and you'll soon get used to it. I only replaced the whole kitchen floor as they literally were coming away in my hand. Other floors I patched with the 'good' boards that I salvaged from the kitchen. The squeaky boards throughout the flat I screwed down with big fuck-off screws to make sure it didn't happen again.

Never been one for mock outrage or cyber grief but I was honestly gutted to hear the news that MCA of the Beastie Boys had lost his battle with cancer.

Sanding and plastering? Ach, that was back in the day before I had a property empire.

See above.

You're off on one now and missing all the carefully placed winky smilies that were meant as little pokes of jest. So I'll keep it simple. Yes 'things' are going to mount up but since you don't know what you're doing then you're not going to be buying everything at once then what's the rush? Your mortgage will have 25 years on it, take your time. If you can only afford to pay for paint and brushes one month then make that your mission. You'll need to wait overnight whilst the first coat dries and it could well need 3 coats. That's say 5 rooms, 4 walls each, a roof each, fiddly bits round doors and windows, 3 coats each. BOOM! A month is gone and you can afford to buy skirting boards to cut, sand, prime, paint or varnish. There'll be a thousand shitey wee jobs like that if you buy a place that needs work. All of them will take time. None of them have to cost a fortune. But I can see you're not up to some hard work. <<<< <<<< That's a wee joke btw way.

Goal posts have changed but it's the previous generation who have to pay off 5 times their salary on an over-inflated house price that I feel sorry for. Or your old man who had to buy a 5 grand house on a weekly wage that was handed to him in a brown envelope and only had of a couple notes and a load of coins in it. Not the people rocking about with the latest iphone, despite their previous model of iphone having been binned due to it being the 'wrong' model number proclaiming "the bank won't let them borrow money from them". Boo fucking hoo. The way I see it is; once you've saved up 20-25% of a deposit for a house then you're a quarter of the way there to paying off your mortgage. Happy days. As for people being more intelligent these days..........pffffffffffft! Half the young bucks I work with have more letters after their name than I have in my name and they're all thick as mince. If that were the case they'd have worked out how to get better jobs to put a roof over their heads. As for telling you stuff you already know. Well you're obviously not listening. There aren't many jobs you can't do around the house without a fistful of hand tools, a workbench and a step ladder, all of which costs peanuts. Along with wood, plasterboard, tiles, grout, paint, plaster, cables, varnish, paintstripper, brushes, buckets and dust sheets. The best bit is, if you fuck something up it's not going to break the bank buying more wood, plasterboard, tiles, grout, paint, plaster, cables, varnish, paintstripper, brushes, buckets and dust sheets to sort it out. Needs must. As for kitchens being some great expense, well they don't have to be. Sure you can spunk £20k on a kitchen but a quick search on the Homebase site and you can pick up an 8 unit kitchen that would fill most flats for @£600. What's that these days, about 3 or 4 away games or a week in Magaluf? http://www.homebase.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/HomebaseStaticPageSecondLevel?langId=110&storeId=10151&includeName=HBCreateTheLook/kitchens_strasbourg.html http://www.homebase.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/HomebaseStaticPageSecondLevel?langId=110&storeId=10151&includeName=HBCreateTheLook/kitchens_napoli_maple_feat_asti.html There's 0% credit cards out there if you can't afford £600 after you've bought a place. Free money! £50/month for a year. As long as you pay it up that is and don't spunk it all on the latest iPad in 3 months time.

There's a huge difference between decorating and renovating. No matter how nice a place is when you move in you're likely to 'decorate' it to your particular taste. 'Renovating' on the other hand is a whole new ball game but doesn't have to cost thousands. You will however save thousands on buying the property though as this will put a huge slice of punters off and you'll subsequently make thousands when you take a step up the ladder. My first place needed completely gutted. The first job I did was lift the kitchen floorboards as they were all loose. By that I mean I lifted most by hand they were that fucked. I bought a shitload of new floorboards for @£100 and spent the next fortnight after work laying a new one. Zero experience in doing so but a huge sense of achievement standing on the finished product. Cost next to nothing and by then I was most of the way onto my next pay cheque. It's the same for paint, plasterboard, scraping wallpaper, lifting/fitting carpets, stripping paint, skirting boards, etc. It all costs next to nothing but it'll take time to do if you're only doing it in your spare time. In the meantime save for a kitchen or bathroom, the big jobs. Tile, paint, rip out the old stuff yourself so you only need a plumber in for an hour or two to fit pipework or a joiner in for a day if you're still not up to speed by the time you fit a kitchen. Fucking wire in punk, it'll make a man of you. Or, sit about with your thumb up your arse moaning about house prices like everyone else that's used to getting stuff handed to them.

Just wondering where all your money is going whilst you're supposed to be saving for a house.