farman10122 Posted November 2, 2008 Report Posted November 2, 2008 Q,why are asprins white? A,cos they work. Quote
Guest leith_red Posted November 2, 2008 Report Posted November 2, 2008 Dear Jonathon Ross, I've shagged your daughter. Who's laughing now! Lots of love, Gary Glitter A nigger and an apple fall from a tree at the same time. Which one hits the ground first? The apple... .... .... the rope stopped the nigger. 5 signs you may be a tliban 1. You have more wives than teeth; 2. You own a £5000 rocket, but can't afford shoes; 3. You refine heroin but have a moral objection to beer; 4. You think vest come in two types: bullet proof and suicide, and; 5. You wipe your arse with your hand, but consider bacon unclean. Quote
TENEMENTFUNSTER Posted November 2, 2008 Report Posted November 2, 2008 Ross and Brand have been placed on the Sachs Offenders Register. Quote
Mentorred Posted November 2, 2008 Report Posted November 2, 2008 Little girl runs into the bathroom and her dad is in the shower, she points at his cock and says "Daddy when will I get one of those between my legs" The dad replies, "In about 5 minute when your mum goes to the bingo" Quote
Biggalloot Posted November 2, 2008 Report Posted November 2, 2008 Be warned. I know i'm already going to hell for saying these don't let you..... Whats the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies. You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitch fork. Whats 16 inches long and makes women scream all night? Cot death What's got 4 legs and an arm? A rotweiler in a nursery. What's blue and orange and sits at the bottom of a swimming pool? A baby with burst armbands. Quote
Huck the Funs Posted November 2, 2008 Report Posted November 2, 2008 A woman comes home to find her husband in bed with a female midget. Furious, she screams 'you promised me you wouldn't cheat on me again!' The husband says 'For fuck sake can't see you see I'm trying to cut down!?' My wife told me to make love like in the movies. So I stuck it in her arse & came on her face. She got mad with me. I guess we don't watch the same movies! I went for an interview at a blacksmiths the other day. "Have you ever shoed a horse?" he asked. "No but I've told a donkey to fuck off" I replied. Quote
capitalsharpie Posted November 3, 2008 Report Posted November 3, 2008 What do you do if you see a hun with half a face? Stop laughing and reload.....! Quote
hopeisimportant Posted November 4, 2008 Report Posted November 4, 2008 Whats so good about shagging twenty-eight year olds theres twenty of them No, they're tighter! What were the Jamaican Bobsleigh Team called before they were famous? Niggers sorry. Quote
Cowie Posted November 4, 2008 Report Posted November 4, 2008 A 18yr old virgin. She cant remember a thing. No witnesses. If Carlsberg did rapes... Quote
Guest leith_red Posted November 5, 2008 Report Posted November 5, 2008 News just in from America, the sale of pillow cases and scissors up by 75% today! On a similar thread... Obama has only been elected 2 hours and he has already helped the US economy... ... ... Sales of white sheets, guns and ropes have gone through the roof! Quote
boboisared Posted November 5, 2008 Author Report Posted November 5, 2008 Whats funnier than rape? Being raped by a clown. Quote
annoymous coward Posted November 7, 2008 Report Posted November 7, 2008 taken from another forum: why do german showers have 11 holes in them? Jews only have 10 fingers. Whats the difference between a Jew and a bar of soap? A bar of soap lasts longer in the shower Quote
Sheep#1 Posted November 13, 2008 Report Posted November 13, 2008 What's the difference between a Paki girl and an ice hockey player? Ice hockey players change their pads after 4 periods. Quote
caledonia Posted November 13, 2008 Report Posted November 13, 2008 How was the Grand Canyon formed? An Aberdonian lost 1p. How was copper wire invented 2 Aberdonians fighting over a penny Quote
Kowalski Posted November 30, 2008 Report Posted November 30, 2008 Fuck me, that hotel murder mystery weekend in Mumbai was a bit over the fucking top! Quote
TENEMENTFUNSTER Posted December 1, 2008 Report Posted December 1, 2008 Fuck me, that hotel murder mystery weekend in Mumbai was a bit over the fucking top! NEWSFLASH - 200 Indians killed in a bomb attack in Bradford. Reports at the scene say that both council houses are completely destroyed. Quote
Sheep#1 Posted December 1, 2008 Report Posted December 1, 2008 What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit What's black and blue and hates sex? The five year old in my cupboard What's pink and orange and lives at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed armbands What's white and bobs up and down a baby's cot? A paedophile's bum Quote
TENEMENTFUNSTER Posted December 2, 2008 Report Posted December 2, 2008 What are the McCann's getting for Christmas? A smaller turkey. Quote
hopeisimportant Posted December 3, 2008 Report Posted December 3, 2008 What's white and bobs up and down a baby's cot? A paedophile's bum ha ha, that made me laugh! Quote
ayrdons Posted December 4, 2008 Report Posted December 4, 2008 A paedophile and a wee lassie are walking through the woods late at night , the wee lassie turns tae him and says "im scared" the paedophile says " youre scared ? , ive got tae walk back along here on my own ". Quote
rocket-fuel Posted December 16, 2008 Report Posted December 16, 2008 Been chatting to a 14 year old girl on the internet. She is funny, sexy and flirty. Now she tells me she in an undercover cop. How cool is that at her age? Very. This is class. Even my pretend wife laffed out loud. Quote
tafkat Posted December 23, 2008 Report Posted December 23, 2008 Scientists warn that 500,000 weegies will die due to global warming. On a more serious note, Douglas, the trombone player from the lurpak advert has melted. Quote
TENEMENTFUNSTER Posted December 23, 2008 Report Posted December 23, 2008 Scientists warn that 500,000 weegies will die due to global warming. On a more serious note AFC's away support will be halved as a result. Quote
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