Souter in the Record

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http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/sport/footbal...86908-20138422/

 

1. Which player is most likely to check his rating in Record Sport on a Monday morning and throw a fit?

It's got to be Zander Diamond. The big man thinks he's a fans' favourite so anything below eight and he's absolutely gutted for the rest of the week.

 

2. Lookalike. Name a player who thinks he is the double of someone famous.

Jamie Langfield has been getting slated for so long for looking like the guy that haunts the train in the award-winning film Ghost. At first he wasn't having any of it but now he's come round to the lads' way of thinking. It's amazing what perseverance can do.

 

3. Name someone in the dressing room who has a hidden talent which they could make a career of outside football.

That boy Dan Smith pulls so many birds he could become aporn star at the drop of a hat.

 

4. What's the biggest rammy you've been involved in or witnessed?

When I was at Dundee the year we got relegated we were losing 3-0 at half-time up in Inverness and the pressure was on. As usual the kitman had laid out cups of tea for everyone but the boss Jim Duffy smashed his off the floor and it came back to him. If it wasn't that serious it would have been funny.

 

5. Which player is a walking sleeping tablet with his chat?

My travelling companion Lee Miller. If I've not had a good sleep the night before I just need to sit next to him on the train up to Aberdeen the next morning. All he ever talks about is his own wedding next year - it had better be good.

 

6. Who's most likely to bully the younger players about?

It has to be myself, Miller and Diamond. Whether we're redesigning their clothes or getting them with the classic practical jokes they know they need to watch their back.

7. Tell us who thinks MENSA is a new brand of gents aftershave.

Rumour has it that Jamie Langfield has already been down to the shops in Union Street checking the price of it.

 

8. Which player has had the strangest job before turning pro?

Yours truly. I can exclusively reveal I used to deliver Indian takeaways in Carnoustie on a Saturday night and ripped off customers for an extra tip.

 

9. What's the best football put-down you've heard and from whom?

Remember Craig Bellamy? Well, at Dundee we were at Celtic Park one day and Lee Wilkie and Bellamy were going at it. Bellamy had a strange accent but I'm sure what he said to big Lee was that the difference between him and Wilkie was the mere matter of a few million quid.

 

10. Who could hold their own on the stand-up circuit?

Without fear of contradiction Tam McManus. First thing in the morning he would stroll into Dens Park and have the place in uproar. He's your typical lad from Glasgow and he knows it.

 

11. Who would bankrupt the swear box?

Our youth coach Neale Cooper. Every second word is guaranteed to be a swear word.

 

12. Dirk Diggler or Tinky Winky?

My old Dundee team-mate Calum McDonald, who's now at Peterhead, wasn't nicknamed "the Horse" for nothing.

 

13. Who'd make a good Big Brother housemate and why?

Wilkie is quite a handyman. Anything that goes wrong he could fix it in the house. It's quite reassuring to see him turn his hand to so many other things.

 

14. Any phobia sufferers at Aberdeen?

Langfield panics at the slightest bit of turbulence in mid-air. Madrid here we come!

 

15. Who's the biggest bird puller on a night out?

No prizes for guessing Dan Smith - nobody else even comes close.

 

 

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[Millers Tache]

 

 

Brandon Flowers from The Killers.

 

Never seen them together, have you...

[Superstar Tradesman]

Number 2 cracked me up when I first read it.

 

"Get off my train!!"

 

 

Brandon Flowers looks more like a girl every time I see him and no amount of ridiculous facial hair will hide that fact.

 

He looks like Jamie Rednapp's sister.

[Reekie_Red]

3. Name someone in the dressing room who has a hidden talent which they could make a career of outside football.

That boy Dan Smith pulls so many birds he could become aporn star at the drop of a hat.

 

Apparently Dan Smith's hidden talent is he can play football. But nobody has ever been able to verify this rumour.

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Number 2 cracked me up when I first read it.

 

"Get off my train!!"

 

 

Brandon Flowers looks more like a girl every time I see him and no amount of ridiculous facial hair will hide that fact.

 

He looks like Jamie Rednapp's sister.

 

Are you suggesting we shout that each time he takes a goal kick? 

[Ajja]

Soutar can talk about lookalikes! Remember the dude in wierd science ? Or that gimp in the Goonies ?