BREAKING NEWS

[Guest Robo]

In a shock move, Aberdeen Football Club have begun negotiations with the FA to transfer their affiliation to the English Premier League.

 

The Pittodrie club, fresh from being held to yet another home draw in the UEFA cup, this time by German minnows Bayern Munich, are petitioning for the change as they feel the Scottish Premier League is holding back the club's ambitions which is having a knock-on effect on performances in Europe.

 

 

Director of football, Willie Miller, cited the lack of quality competition in the SPL as having a detrimental effect on Aberdeen's domestic season. "It's no wonder that we're being beaten 5-1 by the likes of Celtic. I'd like to know how exactly we're supposed to get players of the calibre that we have at this club motivated for such a meaningless game. When they know that they could win at a canter before the first whistle is even blown, there's just no impetus to go out there and put on a show, as we saw on Sunday. The sooner we can engineer a move to the EPL, the better it will be for everyone associated with this great club".

 

Aberdeen fans echoed this sentiment as they trudged home despondent from Thursday night's UEFA cup encounter.

 

"There's no way that teams like Bayern should be leaving Pittodrie with a draw. This is an unacceptable result. Did you see how delighted the Germans were to have gotten off so lightly? I'm disgusted. We can't possibly expect to compete in Europe when we're playing every Saturday against journeymen hammer throwers like Celtic, Rangers, Hibs, Dundee Utd and Hearts. With all due respect, these teams are holding us back and it's time we left them behind and put ourselves first for a change", said Brian Merkland of Kincorth.

 

"We need to be playing week in week out against some of Europe's top players if we're ever going to realise our ambitions. I'm fed up watching us having to step up and down levels every couple of weeks. It's having a really bad effect on the players", commented Dave Marischal of Rubislaw Den.

 

In response, a source at the FA said, "We welcome Aberdeen's move. They're exactly the sort of team that should be competing against the Manchester Uniteds and the Chelseas of this world. We're prepared to do whatever is necessary to realise this great team's potential on the wider European stage".

 

When asked to comment in the face of another stinging European result, current Aberdeen manager Jimmy Calderwood simply walked off but could be clearly heard mumbling the words "sloppy", "Jaap Stam" and "kick yer granny" over and over again, as his sanity crumbles, obviously at the thought of having to get his team up for the next game against the part-timers from Edinburgh, Hibernian.

 

[Mackie's ace!]

Nae that breaking, I read it last night.