Alcoholism and depression

[Madbadteacher]

I am sad to say after a long time sober a combination of the depression/self-medication/depression/self-medication downward spiral I am back at square one.

I have been accepted to a PHP (partial hospitalization programme) because obviously in the last couple of months what I/We with a therapist wasn't working.

 

This will involve me going to the hospital at 8 every morning, doing a day programme, going home at 4. Recent relapse has been so severe I've been hospitalised twice, once with a blood alcohol level of 0.600 compared to driving limit of 0.08!

 

I need this to work, I will appreciate any support.

Thank you

[rocket_scientist]

Very sorry to hear that MBT but I'm afraid you have no choice but to make it work this time. For one very simple reason;

 

There are cunts over here on this side of the pond who you've never met who are rooting for you.

 

So fucking do it. All the best. We need a weekly update.

 

Lots of love,

 

rocket

[manc_don]

Gutted to hear that MBT, but i'm very pleased to hear you're getting help.  I really hope that you manage to make a success of it.  I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through, but from all the DT misfits, we're all here for you.

 

Please don't disappear on us, we do notice when you're not around!  As Rocket says, please keep us up to date weekly (or more if it helps you).

 

All the best!

[BigAl]

As has already been said gutted to log on and read this from you this morning.

Although we've never met mate, I do feel as if I know you, your contributions over many years on here are valued.

I know you have battled with the demons for a long time and send my heartfelt wishes and thoughts.

Perhaps admitting to the issues is the first step on the road to recovery.

I wish you nothing but good wishes in the weeks and months ahead 

[donsdaft]

Hiya min.

 

0.6 doesn't sound much.

Can't say I would trust what a yank thought was too much alcohol.

 

Still, you know what's best for you.

Good luck.

[rocket_scientist]

0.6 doesn't sound much.

 

If it means 6 parts alcohol to 4 parts blood, I would say it's quite a lot actually. I've no idea what it means either but aye, I get ye, the yanks dinna ken their bevvy fae their elbow when it comes to pub pints.

[RicoS321]

7.5 times the drink drive limit (the proper one, not the shite Scottish one). You're looking at around 10+ pints I'd have thought. Far more than I could hack these days like.

 

Good luck to ye MBT.

[donsdaft]

10 pints is nae alchoholism.

 

Nae unless you're some sort of religious nutter.

 

Well, MBT has spoken several times in the past about being an ex drinker.

 

If that's what you choose to be then fine, I hope you get back to a position you're happy with.

 

Being happy is the goal though, either with or without drink.

 

I'm useless at moderation so I probably understand more than you'd think.

 

 

[Ten Caat]

10 pints once a week is decent binge. Your liver won't like it much but with 6 alcohol free days in between it will recover and last you a lifetime.

 

10 pints every day is alcoholism. Your liver never gets the chance to recover and after a few months long term damage ensues which is permanent. Keep it up and the liver fails. You start turning yellow and alcoholic encephalopathy ensues......a type of self inflicted dementia. George Best had 2 liver transplantation. Before the first you are warned that zero alcohol post op is the only way to prevent damage to the transplanted organ ( whacking great doses of anti rejection drugs are required which in turn cause other problems and always reduce life expectancy anyway to between 10-15 years max). He fucked the new liver with alcohol, amazingly was given a second transplant and fucked it too.

 

Anyway keep your chin up MBT. As others have said, look forward to your posts and I'm certain you have the self determination to beat this.

[TheDeeDon]

My Dad was an alcoholic, but there wasn't the support around to give him the help he would have got now at that time and he ended up dead at 66 with multiple organ failure due to chronic alcoholism.

 

All the best to you min.

[Elgindon]

Cant comment on alcoholism myslef,but I wouldnt overdwell on the fact youve started drinking again,and maybe have a look at where you were at before you started drinking. Its easier in middle age to take your eye off the ball healthwise and allow yourself to drift into a fa gives a shit attitude.Maybe youve become stuck in an overfamiliar dull lifestyle? Unfit sedantry living?  Something like that,drifted in to drinking.?

  Dont underestimate what were still capable of at that age.A better focus might help

 

  Hopefully nae too patronising,and good luck getting to the bottom of it.Hillwalkings half the answer obviously 

[Madbadteacher]

well, four days into the programme and it's been intense, uplifting, heartbreaking and eye-opening to say the least just listening to the others in the group.

 

Aye I think th .600 is mg/ml but not certaain, anyway I was told it would have been a coma or possibly death for most people with a "normal" tolerance....the joys of growing up in Caithness huh?

 

Been working with a 1 on 1 therapist/counsellor as well and beginning to start on a plan. Nothing long term yet more just what will you do tonight that's different?

 

I will keep yeez all updated and, just remember, FTOF!

 

 

[rocket_scientist]

Great news about your progress. The mix of group therapy and one-to-one sounds like a great balance and "what will you do different tonight" is excellent management.

 

One note of caution however;

 

Aye I think th .600 is mg/ml but not certaain, anyway I was told it would have been a coma or possibly death for most people with a "normal" tolerance....the joys of growing up in Caithness huh?

 

I know it was a throwaway lightweight comment and you weren't being serious. Now that I've highlighted those words, you'll know exactly what I'm going to say but it's important to start the way you mean to carry on. This means in your thinking too, not just your actions and the words we use are windows into aspects of our minds.

 

The drinking culture we have in Scotland is highly destructive and whilst I'm sure you meant it purely in the context of thresholds, the essential (indeed critical) requirement for personal responsibility and self-discipline doesn't entertain external causes and the shifting of blame.

 

[baggy89]

People of my generation (became teenagers in the mid to late 90's) are at the highest risk of liver disease apparently and reading a lot of this thread and in particular TC's post is a bit of an eye opener.

 

Like Dons Daft, I don't do moderation. I've spent most of my adult life drinking every day and I don't mean a glass of wine of an evening to unwind. I'd imagine most would class me as a functioning alcoholic. Couple bottles of red and a couple of bottles of beer in the evening for most of the last twenty years.

 

I gave up smoking the day my now wife told me she was pregnant with our first, just stopped. On the flip, that day I went out bought a bottle of malt and drank that.

 

Three/four years ago I had a load of shit with my business and all of a sudden I was anxious, not really sleeping, probably bordering on depression, I think I'd also tipped 16 stone (I'm 6'1"). I knew I couldn't give up the booze so tried to limit myself to two nights a week Friday and Saturday. Started lifting heavy bits of metal, seems to work for me, gives me a buzz. I even started to run last year, despite having knee's made of fucking chocolate (I find there are less excuses when sticking on a pair of shorts than having to get a bike out of the garage). Sunday has crept back in but a moderate amount and I even occasionally indulge in 2-3 bottles of beer on a Thursday now. I know I shouldn't but I also know I shouldn't be trying to cram a weeks worth of drink in, in 2 days...

 

I see it in a lot of my friends too. One even takes himself off to rehab every couple of years. He still drinks every day once he comes back out, so it's not to stop. I think it's just so he has a month of not drinking. His mate has cirrhosis and shovels omeprazole, down like smarties.

 

I don't really know what the point in this post was. Maybe to let you know that there are loads of us who don't have a good relationship with drink, that there is no one fix, that it's probably the single hardest addiction to quit (although I'm sure junkies might disagree). Or maybe it was the selfish alky in me using it as a bit of cathartic release.

 

Good luck hope you achieve what you want to achieve and your life gets back to how you want it to be.

[rocket_scientist]

Baggy get yourself the Drink Tracker App. I got it in September, the week after my wife started using it because I was shocked that she had had 50+ units in the 5 nights we were in Switzerland so we could add another 30+ for me. She downloaded the Adrian Chiles documentary on social drinking which we watched on the flight and he was 100+ units and six days EVERY week. It was a fascinating documentary and you're so right, many of us have bad relationship with alcohol.

 

We can't manage what we don't measure. I lost a stone in January from being dry, now the first time for years that I'm under 13 stone (also 6' 1) and almost 12.5 stone now, I'm determined never to get that heavy again. My problem has been when I do drink, it's been shitloads (as highlighted in red on the App) and have exceeded 30 units two days this month. The target of a minimum four alcohol-free days per week is helping but I know Sunday will be a sesh in the pub, (tons of fitba I want to see) so I've already got tomorrow alcohol-free, made easier that one of us needs to be sober to pick up the 17 year old from her work at 9 pm.

 

I'm determined to be able to enjoy a drink for the rest of my life. It's not going to be possible without measuring and understanding how much I'm drinking now. One of my best mates hasn't had a drink for 10.5 months. He can't and whilst I was shocked to learn that he had become alcoholic, one of the last people I would have thought particularly as he had just secured financial security for life, being addicted to any drug isn't in any of our plans.

[baggy89]

Which app do you use Rocket? I DL’d Drinkaware and Drink Free Days in November, I think in preparation for silly season. Never did anything with either. I’m OK at being honest with myself on these things so might be worth a go, bound to put the frightened on for an hour or two  anyway. 

[rocket_scientist]

Good timing min. Just back from the pub and already red lining cos pints are death in the unit count. The one we use is DrinkCoach+ (which I can only answer cos I checked just now) but anything that monitors and measures is good and I think there's tons of App options.

[Madbadteacher]

Thanks for the support it means a fuck of a lot.

 

Also don't worry I'm not going to pontificate on your drinking, freedom of choice and all that.....

 

I just wanted to be honest about my current situation and how I got here, also that I'm aware I need help.

Please do not take this any other way guys, We are who we are. I have just decided that for health and other reasons I can't go the way I was going ant that professional help was my way of treatment.

 

I clearly cannot control this myself so, go for the help. Seeing one of my adult step daughters crying the last weekend I was going through serious withdrawal asking "how can you do this to yourself?" was mind blowing. Shes's never liked me drinking and has been a strong critic of it, but she is also the one that's been the most amazing support. Guess I'm very lucky there.

 

Anyway, one week in, I'll be back next week, every drop clean.......I really 100% hope I can do this. Feel free to call me call me out anytime!

[Madbadteacher]

Well,

 

Despite a law that says I can't be dismissed whilst on medical leave, I was dismissed, via fucking email at 8:50pm tonight.

 

Thanks for supporting my recovery you cunts!

[donsdaft]

They'll be christians, it's what you would expect from christians.

[Madbadteacher]

Hi DD.

Yer wrong, they're Turkish Muslims

[donsdaft]

Nae difference is there?

 

It's all mannie in the sky stuff.

[manc_don]

Great to hear, minus the dismissal obviously!  Keep it up MBT 

[Tyrant]

Hi DD.

Yer wrong, they're Turkish Muslims

 

Aye aye MBT. Sad to read about your issues and then about you getting canned. That's poor. I believe American laws tend to favour the employers but are there grounds for appeal?

 

My old man has battled alcoholism for much of his adult life. Lived his days as a sailor long before the days of dry ships and regularly put away a shit load of booze. Hasn't touched a drop since the early 2000s. He claims he doesn't find it difficult but I think he does. At the age of 85 and in seemingly excellent health it seems that his actions came just in time to avoid long term effects. It's never too late! I drink very little myself. Next to nothing in fact. Same with drugs. The issues that my family have had with these just fucking put me off tbh.

 

The quality of American medical care is up there with the highest in the world. If you can afford to pay for it that is. You're nae having to sell your hoose to fund this are you? I assume you're no longer covered under any plan you had through your job? You don't have to answer any of these questions obviously. Just curious as to how this is funded in the good old US of A.

 

Wish you all the best in yer recovery.

[rocket_scientist]

Mad bad. Check in. Progress report please.